i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
