She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
