Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Come see our sink grown plant.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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