So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
the liver wants what the liver wants
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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