I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
