Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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