The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
