you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
