So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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