my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He has the fingertips of a God
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