I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
