god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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