Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
