you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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