I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
