Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
