Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
