it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
