Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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