I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize