i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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