Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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