11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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