"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
