he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
