You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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