No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
