the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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