smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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