just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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