just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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