I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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