You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
