yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
