I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
