Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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