You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
