either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
