Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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