apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize