and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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