what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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