Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
