hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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