even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
