He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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