This girl is more easily done than said...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Enjoy the penises
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize