Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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