Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
