I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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