Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
