my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize