Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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