WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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