you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
