This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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