dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
