Will you blow on my dice?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
