i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
