Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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