I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And then my night got REAL pukey
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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