The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize