Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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