I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
