I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
