yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize