On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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