don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
