lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
