Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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