i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
