why didn't you poke me back
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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