Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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