I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
