my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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